Little Treat Culture: Not Everything Has to Be Deep

A commitment to show up and write my truth | Day 281 of 365

This week I treated myself to a really nice manicure and spa pedicure, and it wasn't until the pedicurist got started that I realized how badly I needed it. I sat there thinking, what in the what? Why haven't I done this sooner?

My nails had been pleading for attention since the start of October. Apparently the message finally reached management.

The internet has a name for this: little treat culture. It's the idea that a small pleasure can brighten an ordinary day without having to change your whole life. I used to roll my eyes at trends like this. After this week, I'm a convert.

Little Treat Culture Without the Guilt

Did guilt come along to the salon? Of course it did.

Partway through, the voice started up. I should be working. I should be answering something. I should be using this time better. I shoulded all over a perfectly lovely pedicure.

It's worth saying that I used to get a pedicure every other week, and I almost never just sat there. I'd bring work along, or I'd spend the hour on the phone with someone, usually about work. At the very least I'd catch up with a friend. The chair was one more place to be productive. I've always chatted with the people doing my nails, just never for the entire appointment. This time I talked with both of them the whole time, about nothing that needed fixing or finishing, and I think that's why it hit me the way it did.

Then I asked myself a different question: is this guilt telling me something true, or is it just noise? Guilt can be useful. If I've hurt someone, I want to know about it. But guilt over a manicure is a habit, and a lot of us picked it up young, the belief that pleasure has to be earned and approved before we're allowed to enjoy it. Once I saw it as a habit and not a verdict, I could set it down and let my nails dry.

The same thing happened when I found a good sale and ordered a few wardrobe basics. My first thought was, should I really be buying clothes?

Yes. I should.

Most of my wardrobe is holding a very long meeting inside a storage unit, and I'm allowed to wear something that fits the woman I am right now.

I also started drinking mushroom coffee not long ago. I'm not calling it a miracle, and I'm not building it a shrine beside Nessie and Nessoo, but I feel better, and I'm paying attention to that. Apparently the people who said it helped were onto something. I just needed to run my own very small coffee study.

Not Every Treat Is Avoidance

In my twenties, shopping sometimes meant I was sad, or overwhelmed, or trying hard not to feel something. I could walk into a store with a feeling and walk out with three bags and the same feeling.

This is different, and I think I can finally tell the difference. One kind of treat covers up what hurts. The other just makes a Tuesday nicer, and then it's over, and you go on with your day. The first leaves something hollow behind it. The second doesn't.

Some days the treat is a healthy lunch I picked up because I didn't feel like cooking. That isn't failure. That's lunch.

When I was growing up, tartufo, those little chocolate cake balls, made me ridiculously happy. So did tiramisu. They still do. Some parts of personal growth are highly overrated.

A few days ago I wrote Healing Fatigue: When Taking Care of Yourself Starts to Feel Like a Full-Time Job, about what happens when caring for yourself turns into one more job. I had turned every act of care into something to track and get right. A manicure doesn't have to regulate my nervous system. A cup of coffee doesn't have to heal me. A piece of tiramisu doesn't need measurable outcomes.

Some things are allowed to just be enjoyable.

You Are Worthy of Small Joys

Yesterday I shared the words a coach taught me to keep close:

You are worthy. You are loved. You are lovable. You have love all around you.

Those words still apply when the thing in question is flowers on the table or thirty uninterrupted minutes alone. You don't have to wear yourself out first to deserve a good moment.

Today, joy looked like a real laugh and a home-cooked meal I made myself. No breakthrough. No hidden block uncovered, no plan for personal transformation. I laughed, and I ate something delicious, and I liked my day.

That was enough.

So if you needed a nudge, here it is. Pick your little treat on purpose. It might be a pastry, or new flowers, or an hour when nobody asks you for anything. Choose it because you want it, notice how it feels, and let it be exactly as small as it is.

Not everything that helps has to be deep.

Sometimes it just has to be delightful.

About the Author | Day 281 of 365

I'm a soul-led coach, entrepreneur, mother, and recovering perfectionist, currently navigating healing, uncertainty, temporary chapters, motherhood, work, big transitions, grief, nervous system healing, overstimulation, emotional growth, and the ongoing lesson that life works a whole lot better when we stop trying to carry everything alone. Today that lesson looked like sitting through a spa pedicure without apologizing for it, and remembering that joy doesn't need to justify its place in my life.

Day 281 of 365. Still showing up. Still grateful. Still trying not to should all over a perfectly good little treat. 🐧