How to Unapologetically Ask for What You Want

Yesterday, as I sat down to write, I felt a familiar, heavy hesitation. I realized I was actually worried to put my true desires on paper. I caught myself wondering: Who am I to want this? Will people judge me for desiring "too much"? Then, it hit me. I don’t care anymore. I am done apologizing for the space I take up and the dreams I carry. And if you are reading this, I want that same freedom for you. If you are ready to learn how to unapologetically ask for what you want, you must first realize that you do not need anyone’s permission to desire exactly what you want.

The Programming of "Smallness"

Most of us carry a silent, invisible script from childhood. We learned early on that we should only ask for what those around us—our parents, caregivers, or grandparents—already had. Remember the rhyme we were all told as kids? "You get what you get and you don't get upset."

On the surface, it’s a tool for parenting. In reality, it’s the beginning of a lifelong "Shrinkage Strategy." We are encouraged to settle under the guise of being "realistic" or "responsible." We hear it in the echoes of:

• "It’s work, it’s not supposed to be fun."

  
  

• "Your dad provided for the family with that job, why can't you?"

  
  

• "Why take a risk and work for yourself when you have stability?"

  
  

These aren't just pieces of advice; they are energetic anchors. They suggest that your desire for joy, fulfillment, or wealth is a betrayal of the system. Let’s call it what it is: Bullshit. To truly understand how to unapologetically ask for what you want, you have to cut out that old programming. You are not responsible for the comfort of those who are committed to staying small.

The Somatic Shift: How to Unapologetically Ask for What You Want

In his book The Body Keeps the Score, Bessel van der Kolk explains how our traumas and limitations are stored in our physical selves. If your nervous system is stuck in a state of "survival" or "fawn" mode, you will never feel safe enough to "want."

Before you can build an empire or find deep peace, you have to heal your nervous system. You have to teach your body that it is safe to be seen, safe to be successful, and safe to be happy.

The Gentle Reset Practice: The Capacity Shake

1. Identify the Fear: Close your eyes and think of one thing you really want but feel guilty for wanting. Notice where that "yuck" or tightness sits in your body.

   
   

2. The Release: Stand up and begin to gently shake your arms and legs. Imagine you are shaking off the old labels of "too much."

   
   

3. The Breath: Take deep, audible exhales as you shake. After 60 seconds, stand still. Place your hands on your heart and belly. Tell your body: "It is safe for me to want. It is safe for me to have."

Inner Work: The Fear of the "Final Break"

We often make our desires smaller so that if we don't get them, it won't hurt as much. This is a survival mechanism, but it is one that keeps you in a cage.

Have you had so many disappointments that you are almost afraid to hope? We tell ourselves we are being "realistic," but actually, we are terrified. We worry that if we let ourselves truly believe in a dream one more time, and it doesn't work out, that last bit of hope will finally snap. We fear the disappointment won't just hurt—it will break us.

This is the "Hope-Hangover" cycle. To avoid it, we pre-emptively grieve. We decide we don’t want the big career, the deep love, or the financial overflow before we even try. But shrinking your desire does not actually make the disappointment hurt less; it just ensures you live in a state of constant, slow-motion disappointment every single day.

Journaling for Abundance:

• The Safety of Smallness: In what ways has keeping my desires "small" felt like a safety net? What am I actually trying to protect myself from—disappointment, or the vulnerability of actually succeeding?

  
  

• The Caregiver Echo: Whose voice do I hear in my head when I think about wanting wealth or deep peace? Is it mine, or is it an echo of someone who didn't have enough?

  
  

• The Disappointment Audit: When was the first time I didn't get what I wanted, and how did I "punish" my future self for that? How can I forgive that version of me today?

Reclaiming the Microphone

If you need a reminder that claiming your value is a revolutionary act, look at the history of the words we now say so casually.

The iconic slogan “Because I’m Worth It” was created in 1971 for L’Oréal Paris by copywriter Ilon Specht. It marked a seismic shift in advertising history. At a time when the beauty industry was largely shaped by male executives, campaigns often centered on attracting external approval—from men, from society, from standards outside of ourselves.

Specht, a woman writing in a male-dominated world, flipped the script. She gave the woman the microphone. The line was written in the first person—“Because I’m Worth It”—framing beauty and desire not as a performance, but as a declaration of self-worth.

Over time, that phrase evolved into “Because You’re Worth It.” This wasn't just a change in grammar; it was a reorientation of voice. It became a collective acknowledgment, a mirror held up to every person reading it. It was a permission slip to claim the right to desire something purely for yourself.

My Promise to You

Today, I am passing that microphone to you. It is time to reclaim your narrative and stop asking for a seat at a table that wants you to stay small.

• Give yourself permission to be unapologetic.

  
  

• Give yourself permission to be "too much."

  
  

• Give yourself permission to want it all.

  
  

You are safe. You are worthy. You are loved. Because you’re worth it.

About the Author | Day 58

I am on Day 58 of a 365-day experiment in asking for more — more visibility, more wealth, more support, more joy — without flinching.

Yesterday, I almost edited my own desires down to something more “digestible.” Today? I’m done diluting. I am a recovering Smallness Strategist. A former apologizer for taking up space. A woman who used to pre-grieve her dreams so they wouldn’t hurt as much if they didn’t happen. Now, I shake it out instead.

When I’m not teaching my nervous system that it’s safe to want, I’m building multiple businesses, raising a tiny human with strong opinions and better dance moves than me, and having radical conversations with the version of myself who still occasionally whispers, “Who do you think you are?”

The answer? Someone who wants it all. The empire. The softness. The overflow. The peace. I am no longer negotiating with the part of me that thinks that’s “too much.”

Because I am worth it.

Thank you for being part of this 365-day journey toward Somatic Healing & Nervous System, cosmic alignment, and the unapologetic reclamation of your right to be fully supported in every area of your life.

And for you, dear reader: Because you’re worth it. ❤️