Asking for Help Took Courage. I Still Needed a Hug.

A commitment to show up and write my truth | Day 313 of 365

Yesterday I wrote about going all in. Today was day two of the challenge, and I showed up on very little sleep with a mood to match.

I could barely open my eyes this morning. Coffee, friends, did not do its job.

I did buy new sheets and a few organizing pieces, so there's that.

As I write this, my daughter is napping. A real nap, the kind I don't take for granted. We're going to miss Mass, which I'd hoped to make it to today, but I'm grateful she's resting. I could use some of that myself.

Asking for Help Is Harder Than It Looks

Earlier today I brought up an idea I’d been thinking about for a while. It required an investment, and I believed it could help me meet my deadlines and move my projects forward.

Some parts of my work depend entirely on my time, and right now my time is limited. I wasn't asking anyone to do it all for me. I was asking for support with the pieces I can't stretch any further. That's what asking for help looks like for me these days. I name what I need, clearly and on purpose.

Before I could finish explaining, the idea was shut down. Past mistakes came up, and so did everything I haven't finished yet.

Some of it was true. I do have unfinished work, and I know there are things I need to change. I'm the one looking at that list every morning.

What stung was that this person knows what this year has been like for me. I hoped that would have a seat at the table, too.

I would have welcomed something like, "I have concerns about this, and here's why. What if we tried it another way together? What do you need from me?"

I wanted room to explain and someone willing to figure it out with me.

I Held It Together Until I Was Alone

I kept trying to explain anyway. The criticism kept coming, and I held it together until I was by myself. Then I cried.

I felt like a kid being scolded. I'm a grown woman with a daughter of my own, and in that moment I felt small.

If you've ever walked into a conversation holding something hopeful and walked out feeling like you had to defend who you are, you know exactly what I mean.

This year has shown me so many parts of myself that need care, and some days it feels like every one of them is under a spotlight at once. I'm tired, and my body hurts. Today I didn't have much left for one more hard conversation.

What the Tears Showed Me

Here's what I keep coming back to tonight.

My biggest fear is that things will stay the same.

That fear is real, and it's also the reason I spoke up. Staying quiet and hoping things change on their own is the old way. Asking, even when the answer is no, is me choosing not to keep carrying everything alone.

The no doesn't erase the need. It doesn't prove the idea was wrong, either. It tells me this particular door isn't open right now, and that I get to decide where I bring my needs next. That's discernment, and I'm still learning it. Some people are ready to sit down and problem-solve with you. Others aren't, at least not yet. Their answer is information, not a verdict on your worth.

Yesterday's commitment still stands. I'm still in the challenge. I'm just clearer today about what it will take to follow through, and I'm allowed to keep looking for support that fits.

I don't have a tidy answer yet. I do know my request made sense.

Tonight, I'm Keeping It Simple

If you asked me what I need tonight, I could tell you without thinking.

My favorite meal with mint chocolate vegan ice cream after. A full night's sleep.

And that hug.

I'd love for someone to take a few things off my hands so I can stop for a little while, then wake up rested enough to think clearly about what comes next.

God, I could really use some help. I'm trusting it's on the way.

So that's where I am, friends. Day two. I showed up and asked for what I needed. It didn't go the way I hoped, and I cried. I'm still here, and I still believe in what I'm building.

A gentler evening sounds just right.

About the Author | Day 313 of 365

I'm a soul-led coach, entrepreneur, mother, and recovering perfectionist, currently navigating healing, uncertainty, temporary chapters, motherhood, work, big transitions, grief, nervous system healing, overstimulation, emotional growth, and the ongoing lesson that life works a whole lot better when we stop trying to carry everything alone. Today I asked for help, heard no, and I'm learning that a no doesn't make the need any less real.

Day 313 of 365. Still showing up. Still hoping for a miracle. 🐧