Self-Compassion: I'm Not Perfect. Please See My Open Tabs.

A commitment to show up and write my truth | Day 290 of 365

I had 62 tabs open this week. I counted. It seemed like something I should admit before writing about self-compassion.

When a woman I care about starts tearing herself apart, I'm usually the first one to stop her. I remind her of everything she's already gotten right, and of the grace she would give anyone else in her position without thinking twice. I mean every word of it. I've seen those words land, and I've seen someone's shoulders finally relax because of them.

Then a few hours later, I'll hear myself talking to me in a tone I would never use with her.

I suspect I'm not the only one.

Why Self-Compassion Is Easier to Give Than to Receive

Think about the last time a friend called you upset over something she said in a meeting, or a text she wished she could take back. You probably didn't need a minute to find the kind words. You knew her heart. You knew one awkward moment couldn't undo years of showing up for the people she loves, and you told her so and believed it.

Now think about the last time you were the one replaying a moment. Did you give yourself that same benefit of the doubt, or did you start asking for proof?

Most of us start asking for proof. We understand the people we love without hesitating, and then we cross-examine ourselves the minute something goes sideways. I don't believe that makes us harsh people. We've just spent years being gentle with others and very little time letting that gentleness come back our way.

Noticing this helped me more than I expected. I already know how to be kind. I've done it with friends and with my daughter more times than I could count. Self-compassion wasn't something I had to learn from scratch. I only had to start offering some of it to myself.

That was a relief.

Traffic, Running Late, and Where My Attention Goes

Recently I was running late, and traffic had no interest in my schedule. I'd love to tell you I took a deep breath and felt peaceful about it. I was annoyed.

That's allowed. Wanting to be patient doesn't mean irritation stops showing up. I do get to decide how long it stays and what I let it mean.

Being late was something I could work with. Next time I can leave earlier and give the morning more room. Traffic was never going to take my feedback. Once I separated those two things, the annoyance had much less to hold onto. One late morning said nothing about who I am. It told me to leave ten minutes earlier.

For me, that's self-compassion on a regular day. I can be honest about what happened and still choose where my energy goes.

What 62 Open Tabs Taught Me About Discernment

About those tabs.

I opened every one of them for a reason. Some held ideas for Karma Penguin I wanted to come back to. Others were things I'd promised to look into for someone I love. They were good intentions, every one, and they'd been piling up for a long time.

When I finally sat down with them, I stopped wondering how I got to 62 and started asking which ones still deserved my attention. I went through them, kept a handful, and closed the rest. I felt lighter with each one I closed.

Not everything you open has to be finished. Some things were worth looking at once, and it's fine to let them go.

I'd like to treat more of my life that way. I can keep what matters and close what doesn't without lecturing myself about why I opened it in the first place.

Taking My Own Advice

I'll keep telling the women in my life that they deserve rest, and that asking for help is a strength. I believe that completely.

The difference now is that I've added my own name to the list.

If you've ever given someone advice you knew you needed yourself, you're in good company. You already know what kindness sounds like. So the next time you hear that harsher voice in your head, stop and ask what you'd say to a friend standing exactly where you are. Then say it to yourself, out loud if you need to.

You've been offering that kindness to everyone else for years. You're allowed to receive it too.

I'm grateful I already know how. I'm also grateful for every person who said those kind words to me first, long before I learned to say them to myself.

About the Author | Day 290 of 365

I'm a soul-led coach, entrepreneur, mother, and recovering perfectionist, currently navigating healing, uncertainty, temporary chapters, motherhood, work, big transitions, grief, nervous system healing, overstimulation, emotional growth, and the ongoing lesson that life works a whole lot better when we stop trying to carry everything alone. Today that lesson looked like closing the tabs that no longer deserved my attention, and offering myself the same grace I'm so quick to give everyone else.

Day 290 of 365. Still showing up. Still taking my own advice, one tab at a time. 🐧