Valentine’s Day and Love: Reclaiming the Frequency

The $100 Rose and the Performance of Love

Let’s be honest: February 14th has become a high-stakes theatrical production. We’ve all seen the script. It’s the $100 bouquet of red roses—the same ones that were twenty bucks last week—and the mandatory three-course pre-fixe menu at a crowded restaurant because "that’s what you do." Even the "alternative" has become a performance; Galentine’s Day is now a flurry of expensive pink champagnes, pink cupcakes, and perfectly manicured pink nails and outfits with girlfriends just for the aesthetic. Somewhere along the way, we’ve lost the plot. We’ve traded the frequency of love for the transaction of it, and in the process, we’ve turned a day of devotion into a day of comparison.

The Mystery of St. Valentine

The history of this day is actually quite shrouded. If you look into the records, like those in the Britannica, you’ll find that Saint Valentine might have actually been two different people, or perhaps one story split in two. The Catholic Church even removed the feast of Saint Valentine from the General Roman Calendar in 1969 because so little is known for certain.

However, I find the version of the priest who believed in love and married couples secretly to be the most beautiful, so that is the one I am going with for now. He lived under Emperor Claudius II, who banned marriage because he believed single men made better soldiers. Valentine didn't see love as a distraction; he saw it as a sacred necessity. He performed secret marriages in the shadows because he believed that the bond between two people was more powerful than any imperial decree. While it could be historically inaccurate, I choose to believe he very much existed and risked his life for the sanctity of that connection, long before it ever became a retail event.

The Suitor and the Golden Cage

I’ve had my own moments of choosing the "sacred connection" over the convenient one. Before I was dating my husband, another "suitor" (yes, they actually called them that once) made his move. He had the script down perfectly: "You will never wish for anything. I can buy you the world. You’ll never need to work a day." It was the kind of offer society tells you to jump at.

But I didn't want to be "provided for" in a way that rendered me invisible. I wanted to work. I wanted to create my own wealth and build a life side-by-side with a partner. I wished him well, let him find someone else to "buy the world" for, and I chose to cultivate a life with my now husband—it felt more authentic to the woman I was becoming.

I didn't want a benefactor; I wanted a co-creator. I wanted to grow our abundance garden together. 

The Comparison Sting: Valentine’s Day and Love in the Modern Age

Even with that clarity, I’ve felt the sting of the "comparison trap." I remember being single and looking at the photos—the happy couples, the elaborate celebrations, the massive bouquets—and feeling that heavy, silly sense of being unloved.

It’s easy to get lost in those curated illusions. We look at a photo and assume it represents a perfect life, while we’re sitting at home with our "behind-the-scenes" reality. But as experts like Gabor Maté often suggest, we often use external consumption and "things" to soothe a lack of internal connection. A $100 bouquet of roses doesn't fix a fractured heart, and a three-course pre-fixe menu isn't a substitute for a soul-level conversation.

The Hard Truth: What Do You Actually Crave?

I want you to get really quiet and ask yourself: what do you actually want today? Is it the experience of being seen? Is it true companionship? Or is it the gift? And look, there is no shame in loving beautiful things. As a Libra, I certainly do love me some beautiful things! But you need to know why you want it. Do you want that luxury because it brings you genuine joy, or because you need it to prove a point to the people watching your feed? Are you trying to convince the world you’re loved, or are you actually feeling it? When you get honest about Valentine’s Day and love, you finally give yourself room to be happy with what is actually in front of you.

The Unphotographed Challenge

Let’s go back to what the story of Saint Valentine was actually about. He risked everything so people could have the right to love one another—at least, that is the version this love-hopeful Libra is going with (even if we could be wrong). Today, I’m giving you permission to honor that spirit by ignoring the noise. Figure out how you want to celebrate, and then just do it.

If today is about self-love, do a beautiful spa day or take a long, quiet walk to honor your own journey. Spend time with the pet that loves you unconditionally, or soak in the presence of your child, your parent, or that one friend who just gets you. If you have a partner, find a way to connect that doesn't require a camera lens to validate it. Celebrate how you wish to, forget the rest of the world, and just be.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Dear Reader. I am sending you so much love ❤️